Imagine a caterpillar, going into his cocoon and going through a metamorphosis. Than(sp.) imagine a person who goes through the same metamorphosis. Meet George - a lazy young man who lives in the Bronx. He is 20 years old and he never finished school and throughout he didn’t achieve anything.(phr.) George never did anything useful. He had this need for respect but never earned it and that sometimes made me feel angry.
George looked just like his sister Sophie. He was tall and bony. He was a useless "bum" as his sister called him. He didn't appreciate people telling him what to do, hate(gr.) made-up stories and even got sick of the human voice. He rapidly gave up on trying being(gr. - to be) educated. As a young boy he was good at carpentry but never expanded this skill. He was raised in a neighborhood inhabit(gr.) by immigrants – a cold neighborhood with broken sidewalks.
George didn't have any achievements. He lied to Mr.C (about what?)and Mr.C told the whole neighborhood and as a result George enjoyed the newly found respect he got from everyone. George needed a guiding father to teach and lead him and support him in order to achieve his goal. George found such a guide in Mr.C – the "change maker". Sophie had little time for George and therefore, little influence. George('s) father was a quiet man, who worked in a fish market and not a father figure. He had influence on George than Mr.C had(phr.). Mr.C was unable to fulfill his dream. Although he was uneducated he valued reading highly. He was different than other people in the neighborhood. He read and knew a lot. Mr.C (eventually) succeeded and changed(phr. - in changing) George. - pleased don't forget this essay is about George not Mr. C.
I had mixed feelings about George. I felt anger sometime, and sometimes pity, and sometimes apathetic toward George. He made me feel that I do a lot with my life, unlike him. I think Mr.C succeeded and that George would try to change his life. I think that he did wrong when he quit school. I also think that (in)someway his lies helped him change. I really hope his life will look different than the lives of the rest of the immigrants. I hope that he will complete his metamorphosis and make his dream come true.
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Daphna
Why haven't you corrected your work? The whole point of our writing lessons is to learn from mistakes when correcting your essays...
Daphna.
